Just Take a Jump....

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We human beings are very adjusting creatures. In psychology Adjustment is the behavioral process by which humans and other animals maintain equilibrium among their various needs or between their needs and the obstacles of their environments. A sequence of adjustment begins when a need is felt and ends when it is satisfied. How exciting!! Theories of economics are supposed to be applied on these psychological concepts I guess. Why only economics?! Every new day, one can come to understand new theories of life which directly or indirectly are connected to psychology.

Similarly few days before, I came to know about a meaning of Agoraphobia. I was with my friend who is psychologist; he came for some chronic case discussion in some conference. Over a cup of coffee we started discussing about various topics which we usually do. But on that day I was quite and was not in a mood to chat as I normally am in. after a sip of a coffee I felt bit fresh and told him that I am not paying much attention in meeting or getting in touch people after an experience I had in last days. The moment I preside over expressing my thoughts and feelings regarding all these, he immediately said, in our language we call it Agoraphobia.

I was quite tensed when I heard this word; I thought maybe he is talking about some mental illness as he normally does. My goodness; is it me? He was taking it on a very normal and comic way but I was just scared. I was shocked for sure but I wanted to know about it. Then I came to know that fear of going out to public places is nothing but Agoraphobia. After having long discussion on that confusing English word, I finally came on my own conclusions.

It is a normal phenomenon for human being, that he has fears regarding something. May be not in case of everyone, but it happens for sure.

As mentioned earlier about the adjusting human behavior this process of adjustment involves various parts. Now which kind of adjustments we are talking about?

People strive to be comfortable in their surroundings and to have their psychological needs (such as love or affirmation) met through the social networks they inhabit. When needs arise, especially in new or changed surroundings, they impel interpersonal activity meant to satisfy those needs. In this way, people increase their familiarity and comfort with their environments, and they come to expect that their needs will be met in the future through their social networks. We expect much from our surroundings; actually for that comfortable expectations and surroundings we don’t want to or dare to come out of our cocoons. It goes on and on, and the day comes when we realize that something is wrong, people are changed and we find it difficult to cope up with. This process goes on because we are in cocoon and these ongoing difficulties in social and cultural adjustment may be accompanied by anxiety or depression. When feelings are of excessive apprehension or say anxiety, a person somehow stops thinking, stops believing on what he should actually do. Due to all this Agoraphobia takes place I guess.

After my meeting with my friend and Agoraphobia Discussion, I received a Message on my Whatsapp. It was a small story with a moral, narrating some common things in frog and human being. It said, Human Beings and frogs are the two creatures in nature that have tremendous power to adjust. Put a frog in a vessel of water and start heating the water. As the temperature of the water rises, the frog is able to adjust its body temperature accordingly. The frog keeps on adjusting with increase in temperature. Just when the water is about to reach boiling point, the frog is not able to adjust anymore. At that point the frog decides to jump out. The frog tries to jump but is unable to do so, because it lost all its strength in adjusting with the water temperature. Very soon the frog dies. 

Why he was adjusting so much? What happened with that frog? Why didn’t he come out then? What killed the frog? Many of us would say the boiling water. But the truth is what killed the frog was its his own inability to decide when it had to jump out. Correct!! Very True!!.....

We all need to adjust with people and situations, but we need to be sure when we need to adjust and when we need to face. There are times when we need to face the situation and take the appropriate action. If we don’t do so, for sure we have to face the situation of Agoraphobia. Very simple and easy thing to understand is, if we allow people to exploit us physically, emotionally or financially, they will continue to do so. There are many things which we can discuss on this ground, many examples can take place. We have to decide when to jump. Let us jump while we still have the strength and face the world with full confidence and no such word called Agoraphobia will take place.

Conflict... Lets enjoy a sour cake

“Conflict...lets enjoy a sour cake”

“A good manager doesn’t try to eliminate conflict; he tries to keep it from wasting the energies of his people. If you’re the boss and your people fight you openly when they think that you are wrong - that’s healthy.”

Robert Townsend said nicely. Even if we deal with the people professionally then also apart from professionalism there are N number of things we pass through. The art of adding people in your life is the greatest art that one should learn. This seems bit tedious job when you come across with these kinds of situations where you have to manage the relationship with the work you deal with. The basic problem with this management is we actually work in the environment where we deal with different natures and behaviors. These factors sometimes leads to dissatisfaction and results in conflicts.

Conflict is a reality of working with others. Given the range of activities, stressors and personality types that must come together, it is no surprise that conflict exists. However, the degree of conflict is surprising. Almost everyone has to deal with conflict at some time or another. In fact, less than one out of one hundred respondents say they never have had to handle conflict, while few say they deal with conflict frequently or always. When conflicts are not addressed effectively, individuals suffer. This in turn hurts job performance. Human resource personnel have seen someone leave an organization as a result of conflict, and almost half have seen someone fired because of it. While all of these departures are not unwanted, the disruption generated by conflict can lead to long-term problems.

When people see conflict as purely negative, the desire is to avoid it and resolve it as quickly as possible. However, when the conflict is a result of differing ideas, it might not be in the work group’s best interest to immediately remove the tension. Sometimes, taking time to work through the differences can lead to better solutions and improved outcomes. This requires that people do not see conflict as something to be avoided at all costs, but something that can bring creative energy. The challenge is finding ways to best handle conflict. The disagreements between people at work can lead to better solutions, new ideas, and increased performance. Like King Solomon wrote: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” By maximizing the positive outcomes of conflict, managers can bring direct financial benefits to the organization. Seems weird isn’t it? But in rare cases it does work.

William James says, “Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”

As we progress through life it is usually necessary for us to change some of our attitudes in order to changing circumstances. Sometimes we have no choice; the process of abreaction inflicts change automatically. At other times we can choose; for example, for career reasons. At the times when things continuously go out of the degree of job satisfactions this leads to conflicts. The fact is Conflict always has, and always will be a reality of the workplace. Whenever people work together the difference of opinions and ideas will result in conflict. Seeking to eliminate conflict is therefore impossible.

Organizations’ goal should be to manage conflict, not eliminate it. Individuals who are accommodating in times of conflict find out what the other person wants and do whatever they can to make it happen. This behavior is characterized by a high level of cooperativeness and a low level of assertiveness. This method is useful for showing reasonableness, developing performance, creating good will, and dealing with issues of low importance. The drawback is that the accommodating individual’s needs are never met. 

Many people try to avoid conflict and hope it goes away. When used in this way, avoiding conflict will rarely lead to a satisfying conclusion. However, avoiding conflict can be useful when dealing with issues of little importance, when tensions need to be reduced, or when it is necessary to buy time. Compromising is often identified by people as the best way to deal with conflict. With the goal of finding a middle ground, it involves negotiation and splitting the difference in opinion. Everyone leaves the conflict with a few of their concerns met. Probably the most overused way of dealing with conflict, compromising is useful when dealing with issues of moderate importance, developing temporary solutions, or when you are under time constraints.

However, by focusing on compromise, the conflicting parties leave with an equitable, but not satisfactory, resolution. Over time both parties often end up unhappy. The loss of staff, decreased morale, and absenteeism come with real costs to an organization. This makes reducing the negative effect of workplace conflict desirable. Effectively dealing with conflict is a key skill for leaders. Given the significance of the negative and positive effects of conflict, leaders must develop the skills to manage potentially difficult conversations in a constructive way and should not get involved in or increase the same. These type of current leaders in organizations are not as effective as they could be. Those who see conflict as a competition fight hard to get what they want. The opposite of accommodating, competing individuals are highly assertive and uncooperative. This approach works best for taking quick action, making unpopular decisions, and discussing issues of critical importance when you know for certain that your position is correct. Over use of competition can damage long-term relationships.

For leaders and employees there are benefits that can be realized from conflicts that are dealt with effectively. What important is finding ways to deal with conflict that lead to positive outcomes while minimizing the negative effects on people. Since we have seen that workplace conflict varies tremendously, it only makes sense that how we deal with conflict should change depending on the situation. The best type of conflict management is that which is most productive for a given situation. The problem is that most people approach all conflicts the same way. Sometimes their fall-back approach works, but most often it does not. Finally one can follow Dave Barry, who says,

“I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”

Cake of Conflict is the choice of likes and dislikes of target, please be neutral and check your content of argument before picking it up from the menu…………..