And said Bye to 2014...

From the window of my cabin I was able to see the sunset... the sunset of last evening of 2014. I took few minutes to observe that... hectic day was over and I was able to realise that with the changing calender the responsibilities and commitments are also going be changed.After so many days I was actually seeing the sunset while going back home.. while driving home back... so many thoughts and ample of moments started cuddling.. Haha.. sorry but yes I do think also.. ;-) @@ somehow I was being emotional.. 2014 was going and I was able to analyze that I am leaving many things behind..

I have been very messy in 2014, had fights with many friends, cried a lot on various situations{somewhere it was required and somewhere it was....let it be, lets not enter in this matter will discuss later.}, had fun with all my friends and family... the year actually made me realized that I am someone special not only for me but for all of them who really care for me.. with every passing day, it taught me something new.. I am really thankful to the people to whom I met in the year... and the most importantly I came to know that... believe it or not but you , yourself is responsible for whatever happens to you... and.... I started being neutral.. which I previously was not.. Thanks to my idiotic sense,,, it allowed me to do so...

My diary is full with the various incidences... {Sorry I will not mention those here... it will bore you and me too}... Let me share one thing for sure here... I came across with this question often in twenty fourteen.. "Mrunal we usually see you smiling... that is fine.. but don't you get irritated with the characters having masks on their faces... " , Honestly speaking I too get irritated but what to say, I am also one of them @@@ I have only one formula for this, My nanaji always said, look into the people as of you are encountering a book, you will be able to learn a lot... and you will be happy as well... !! God graces his soul... He was my idol and will be, but I found Mrunal's way in this also... reading books.. really tough, sometimes the font is not clear and tooooooooooo small... ha haha... to be on point, I look at the people as I am watching a movie, different characters and everyone is playing their role very well... it hurts less and you are able to forget bit soon.. anyhow it also has exceptions.. hahaha

Lets not become philosophical at least today,,,, sorry sorry....

Every one is enjoying and celebrating 31st Night with different styles, some are dancing, some are discussing past, some are analyzing things, bla bla bla.... In India it is the only common muhurta for all.... {Otherwise everyone is busy in discussing their own Muhurtas and customs...} Hi hi... Lets not waste time to discuss about and enter in to the political matters or glamor etc.. media is their to take proper care of that data and they play their role very well.. they do not let us forget as they start reminding it weeks before... 

But............

I started keeping mum... yes.. why should I speak when without words I can do many things. visited an orphanage before few days. I was able to see that how those kids were happy without any extra benefit. In this era of friends with benefit those girls were finding happiness in just a smile and few minutes given to them. They touched my heart. I wish they all get everything what they wish and is good for them. we all are celebrating but very few are thinking for number of those who are actually alone... sorry I guess I will become Emotional.. ;-( Everything we will get in life but very few will stay for lifelong and Bade log said Karma... I hope I will do some good, so that will happily and peacefully reach to the destination. ... Anyhow, Manjil to Apni wahi hai.. umar bit jayegi jaha tak aate aate... Kya milega is duniya se jab apane hi jala denge jaate jaate... (truth of Life... lets not be philosophical) But..{Samazne wale ko ishara kafi ;-)}.....

Let it be,,, I have number of things to share, express and discuss but Just one thing...

I would like to apologize in case I hurt anybody in 2014 directly or indirectly. . Similarly, request to forget and forgive if happened so .. I can not promise to give huge and expensive gifts but yes a friend in me for sure I try... Just forget all the worries and tensions of 2014. New year new resolution for better life and smiles.
May the year 2015 be like a blank book that is waiting your intervention to fill up its 365 pages with all the colors under the sun making it a vibrant addition to your life.
Wish you and your family a very happy and Prosperous 2015
Lots of Love and Regards...... Just have blast in the coming year.. {not atankewadi wala...} Have fun... Keep smiling... Be blessed, Loved, pampered. Sing, Dance like a freak, watch as much as movies you can and stay Happy Always...

Finding Rahul...

Beautiful energetic morning, sitting on a stone kept in the corner of my courtyard and having a cup of yummy, soothing coffee. The soft rays of the sun touch my cheek like it's saying it was waiting for me to come out. From somewhere in the colony, the humming and whistling of a song from Dil To Pagal Hai can be heard. Wow! What else can one expect? My morning started so nicely. It's true that whatever music you hear at the beginning of your day sets the tone for the rest of it. I'm not joking or fantasizing—it is really true.

Let me tell you what happened. That humming took me somewhere else, to my era, my days of real fantasy. Actually, it was a time of life that was truly tension-free and happy. My thoughts went to my world: me and my group—the girls' gang at St. Ursula Girl's High School. We were all great fans and followers of Shahrukh Khan. At that time, it felt like love was in the air. Every one of us was mad about the "love is in the air" concept.

In this love-filled atmosphere and Shahrukh fan frenzy, one thing was common: Rahul. Yes, Rahul. Now let me explain why Rahul: "Naam to suna hoga..." Rahul was a favorite name used by our favorite actor in many films that we loved. Especially Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Dil To Pagal Hai were the best for us. Our fantasy world was so different at that time.

Each one of us from the group of eight girls was dying for a Rahul who would come in front of us and say, "Rahul, naam to suna hoga..."—a cheater Rahul with whom one could fight or play basketball. To our surprise, six out of eight of us were in touch with a Rahul, whether as a childhood friend, a classmate in tuition, a distant family member, or a neighbor! Really, maybe the name was too common. Sorry, some Rahul might kill me for saying his name is common, but it's true it was really that fascinating at that time. Maybe due to that fascination or affection, someone or the other in our group always liked a Rahul. I was also one of them. It was like a KKHH pattern for some of us, just like the rest of the movies where the name of the actor is Rahul.

Rahul... naam to ab suna hi nahi, ratta rataya ho gaya tha. It became a very familiar name for all of us. Now when we go back to those memories and start discussing them, it seems so foolish. Movies felt like real life to us. The fantasy world we created felt real. And our dreams were like that too. Now it’s very clear that dreams, fantasy, and reality are entirely different.

The magical part of that world was that no one was there to tell us what the future would hold. We were very sure that whatever happened would be the best. The comic thing was, two from our group fell in love with some Rahul when they were in junior college. After that, I at least don’t know what happened to their love. One of my friends got married to a Rahul. The most comic part is, while discussing, we all came to know that everyone from our group, when their parents were searching for a life partner for them, got at least one proposal from a Rahul.

I didn’t get my Rahul, my fantasy buddy, but yes, over the years, I’ve come to realize that having fantasies is really good! Many of my friends told me, "Mrunal, you behave like your life is a Yash Chopra movie. Come out of it." But I want to tell all my buddies that life might not be like a Yash Chopra movie, but live life in such a way that someone might want to make a movie about it. I don’t want a movie made about my life, but without fantasy, no one can truly enjoy life. At least at the end of your life, you can be satisfied that you thought of something, you lived something, and you tried to achieve something. Your dream person doesn’t necessarily have to be named Rahul, but what you have envisioned for yourself, you will surely get.

Now my heartbeat skips when my parents talk about marriage proposals and saying goodbye to me as I start my life with my XYZ... Let me get the concrete name and I’ll update you once I finalize it or once he comes to me! Ha ha ha. Anyways, it’s a huge tension, wondering who you’ll get in your life to share it with, calling him your life partner with pride and happiness. It’s not just me; any of my friends had fantasies or linked our lives with movies or dreamt of a dream mate. Everyone does so, but very few express it. The important thing is, if I’m happy and good with myself, surely all will be well. It’s about accepting destiny, dealing with luck, keeping the world of fantasy alive, and much more, not just about finding Rahul. Someone, somewhere...

My First Albino Hair !!

Standing in front of Mirror and asking "mirror mirror, oh mirror tell me how am I looking?'" may be it seems childish or melodramatic, but the fact is without using words we do the same. I have seen number of my friends who takes hours in front of mirror and just playing with their hair. Why my friends only my brother and even sometimes me too ;-)... can anybody imagine themselves without hair. Oh my my it’s Horrible. It is said that the beauty of a person lies in his hair ;-) I mean a mirror at least says so... 

I guess in India, we people can at least agree to this that hair is the most precious thing or plays vital role in the beauty of anybody's personality. We donate hair to our god... please visit Tirupati for the proof... I am not aware about the reason behind it, but I guess that the only reason is donating your beauty is nothing less that cores of rupees. In India it has importance in various situations. Let’s not enter in to that.

The reason behind my discussion is entirely different. imagine when we are talking about the value of this beauty enhancing element, what will happen to you when one fine day you will come to know that your property is now no more young? Let me come on the track... the fact is I recently found my first gray hair... and it was truly shocking...@@@ I am not an extremely vain person, but I am sobbing. I don’t understand why exactly. Maybe I feel like my youth is slipping away.... please don't laugh, it is really painful. Imagine you are asking your mirror that please tell me how beautiful I am? and he Replies with a laugh, "Oye, tere to din gaye.. ye lo safedi ki chamkar...!!! No No No... Finding your first gray hair is like.... No words,, it’s really terrible...Somehow, tried to came out of shock that now the aging process started. I remember, once in a lecture Prof. Ram Shewalkar sir mentioned that your hair starts greying from behind your ear... like it is saying at your ears that yes the process started.

The very first thing I did was, I plucked that... then I discussed the things with my friends, to my surprise, No one was bothered for such an Everest problem of mine. They even don't interest to discuss it. Then my friend told me, Dear Mrunal, this is not a big issue now a days... It was not convincing but when she said I have number of such hair, and then I took sigh of relief. May be it seems kidish, but it gives your huge relief when... Do I need to mention it? 

Now my new hobby took place, you all will find it crazy... after that my first gray hair incidence whenever I met anybody I started searching for his or her gray hair. It was so much of relief... this foolish act of mine was condolence to my first gray hair. :-)... anyways, it was not because of aging, now a day’s its common. Even at the age of 10 or 12 champs are suffering this. Not a big deal... It is because of the environment... it’s not a genetic fault.

But yes, my that one albino hair, introduced me with a great philosophy of life. As I have already mentioned that when I found the first albino, I used to search it in others... that way once I was discussion the same problem of mine that now I found my first gray, god knows whats next... one of my friend.. At the age of 72 years, told me "I’ve earned all my greys" and gave a smile of an experienced victim of life. Your gray hair does not tell the story of your life. They are not proof of any success or failure of yours. They are not your property or neither a certificate of your maturity. But yes if you are aware that the gray hair of yours are trying to say something to you, then surely try to listen that.... or if you don't like them then Dye them with a good quality hair colour and be happy. ;-)

Simple.....

***

Hanji Aisa bhi Hota hai.....

Sitting alone at home again as usual and recollecting all the thoughts about what had happened throughout the entire day today. To whom I met... with whom I did whats app.. to whom I cursed... with whom I had fight.. bla bla bla...
How awesome na, we are so Ajeeb type of creatures, on one hand we say we hardly care about anything and on the other we only care and do not share.. Yes.. I am not kidding.. ## happens mostly with me... ;-) but yes when at least sit back and think about what had happened it sometimes make me laugh and sometimes.... do I need to say??? ;-)
Anyways... jokes apart, but with reference to one incidence happened few days before, I don't remember the date.. but yes.. on that day it was Medha Sohoni aunt's birthday. ..incidence is based on this background only...
I was bit puzzled as I got a call from a lady... she was asking me about how do I know her husband?? I was surprised.!!.. cause how can I answer such rubbish question.. why would I take interest to know her or anybody's hubby??!! but then I thought.. who is this lady whether she is my friend's wife or any of my friend who is actually trying to prank on me.. but nope!! She was neither better half of any of my friend and nor she was my friend.  

The incidence goes like this.... I was in my office and as usual was busy with some stuff. at around 4.30 Pm received a call. Number was unknown... and a lady started with crackling and irritating voice... कौन तुम ?? कैसे जानते ये नंबर को ??... I then simply asked, madam, who are you and from where you are calling?? 

Reply was again, " तुम बताओ पहले तुम कौन और कायकू कॉल लगाया था"? full of anger...

Then I thought lets have a chat with her, why not to have a refreshing break during your packed schedule... ya, the break was bit different but I thought to enjoy it anyways.

I thought that why not to get some details from her, so I started with, "Bhabhiji", the reason behindthis can be guessed by anybody here....

Now, bhabhiji came on normal tone... 

out of my curiosity I asked, भाभीजी आप थोड़ा टेंशन में लग रहे है... why you got so panic and even if you don't know me, you gave a call to just know who I am? and from where I am calling?... 

Now, I was poking on a Dukhati Rug of her's ;-)

It was her turn to express what she felt, she started with her frustrated wife wala tone.... she gave a call back to me cause she thought that may be I was someone or one of the girlfriends of her husband....{Thank god I started with Bhabhiji... Bach gayi main},  she was complaining as well that why I did not told her in the very first call of mine that I am from Nagpur and I am not a friend of her Hubby... Wow!! New movie title...

But anyways...she continued by saying, " Here in Delhi we have to take proper care of our husbands..

You never know what will happen with you or your married life... that is why I was cross verifying...  why didn't you told me before that you don't know my husband you have not called him, it was your wrongly connected, I scolded him and we had a fight, imagine if I have not cleared with you then what had been happened?""

Oh my my... @@@ Now the story was cleared in eyes... Actually I dialed the number in my mobile which was saved with the name of Medha Aunty... it was her birthday and I have dialed that number at around 11.00 am... when some other lady picked a call I got confused and I said sorry it was not for you... " Oh my god... and since that call till 4.30 Pm this lady was actually killing her innocent husband..{Atleast here in this case}..

When I have cleared that this call was for my aunt and this number was before with her... who knows that now this is with a person who stays in Delhi and unfortunately he has such a loving wife...

Thank god things got cleared or else I was surely a victim for next Crime Petrol, Savadhan India or so....After our conversation that Loving Bhabhi once again gave a call at 6.00 Pm god knows what she did in that span but she again confirmed whether I am .... anyways, this time I told her only one thing... भाभीजी इतना शक मत करिये... नहीं तो सच में भाग जायेंगे आप के पति... हर बार थोड़ेही मेरे कॉल के जैसा गलती से कॉल आएगा...and she was like.. why are you saying so, how can you.. etc.. etc..  Now.. Bhabhiji Shocked and Mrunal Rocked.... ;-)

I shared this real life joke with my colleagues and bursted with laugh, still when we think about this it brings smile and question as well that how ajeeb kind of creatures are there... but yes now after this I am very clear about this, if I wrongly dial any no. I make it point that I close that there itself.. :-) 

Hope both of them are fine..... god bless the couple...

Value or Verbal V.....

Every time when you are at home, sitting alone and thinking about what you got... wait.... what you got means... in your life till date!!! Actually, it happens with every body... not only to the people with experience but the kids with no experience.... I mean life experiences, they also say and think about what we did till date.

Now, here comes the question... whether I am talking about serious thought process or just reviving the memories???

More or less it is re lightning the memories whether they are good or .....:) what I observed is.. Everybody has a story of a struggle. ..

Really... I am very serious on this part... one of my friend always used to say that..."Mrunal, everyone has a Story of a struggle. .  Everyone on this earth has his own story of struggle.. and if you conduct a survey on random basis then the analysis will be, 97% people will say that they have gone through the struggle"...

Its really true... anyways but the major truth is, if you are living on this planet earth, means something or other you have to face.

One of my old friend always told me.. old means ... aged..@@ :-) god graces his soul... but I remember his words... " you have to be active all the time till you go on death bed.. not like Bhishma Pitamah.. but yes.. there must be something with you which you can share with your next gen... otherwise they will keep u aside like a dustbin".. @@@

What a thought boss??!!! Yes there must have to be something to share.. but not like a Verbal Wommet..!! No one will accept... share your stories but according to the situation cause no one in this world is interested in your past...

But if you can give or add something then yes people are there to spend millions $$$$ on it. If you don't believe ...go and ask the retired higher authorities and specially too from Government. @@ I am not talking about Respected Politicians... please consider%%

Anyhow whatever your past may be but it should promise the people to give value to whom you are sharing that... it should confirm that yes ## it will add value to whatever they are doing@@ will give something to them, to the personality, to the thinking, though tprocess of the listener. 

Otherwise it will be nothing but a Verbal Vomit ... specially of a frustration and seems like you are taking a revenge of the listeners for his past sins. 

May be I am wrong but yes it is observed that such situations usually takes place and people feel that due to age or due to feeling of jealousy, others are going away from me. Believe it is nothing like that.. try recording it with an assumption that someone is listening and then replay it for yourself. . Do it as much as you can.. some way or other it will add something... it is not for to keep anybody silent or mum....Please Please Please do not become so that people will call you.......... sorry cannot name. But mauni baba is not expected... nor any other... 

Do something different what you have got and is ready to give to other. Straight and clear point is, no one is really interested in what you have gone through or faced in your life. But yeah.. what you can give is the point of interest. 

Yes your struggle is worth respecting. . Hats off to it... keep it worth..

Life Main Kabhi Kabhi....

Have seen one of my photo album yesterday.. accidently.. !!! It took me somewhere... Let me explain.. Visited a wonderful place near Ujjain,M.P. India.. In the year I guess 2009... As I am sometimes philosopher and sometimes@@@@ .... Ha ha.. anyways.. There I met one aunty.. I remember it was a place of bhairavnath temple.. superb story and different interesting history... anyways.. let's talk about aunty.. as my mami and cousins were busy somewhere I was standing with a guide sort of uncle actually he was not.. but as he was giving information so gave this name to him.. he was explaining the things of why and how.. and aunty was observing me while I was discussing it with him... then don't know whether she thought I am a researcher or interesting or intelligent creature or what?? But she started chatting with me.. many things we have discussed and she told a bit about her life as well. While sharing how she developed the hobby of visiting various place she has glow on her wrinkled face.. can you imagine a lady with a back and knee problem happily visiting number of places including foreign tours...@@
In Marathi we normally hear comments on such like, अती ईचक आहे..@@ .. and in Hindi, बहुत देसी घी है boss... But I loved the concept that aunty shared... she was from Delhi and of at the age around 63 or 65..  this also i came to know when she said that she is retired from Central Government. Would love to meet her again..:-).. but yes must say this is the approach which we can accept..
I really liked that lady.. and honestly after meeting her the approach towards travelling changed... to tell you but after that experience I have started observing people while travelling.. then somewhere I read in sanskrit sloka that if you travel and meet people as much as you can it adds positive dimension to your personality.
If  I am travelling I expect that I must meet good people and they should accept my visit. Then why not I should welcome visitors who come to see my place... sorry sorry I guess I am leaving the track@@ ;-)

Normally as a living creature of almighty we believe that love is in the air.. people here in this world not only in India treat their guests as god but everywhere.. Specially god with extra benefits ;-)... Treating guests as a god culture is called a Atithi Devo Bhava in India.. and can be called Ati Devo Bhavah.. in other sense ;-).. bad joke..$$@#
Each and every place is divine and full of soul in it, so that the places of hosts.. Anyways but to come on point... We usually believe that people might treat you wrong but not these places. Places which have various stories to share with us..
Every place every sight has its own story to tell about and discuss on.
Thoughts are generated here and those thoughts became the life to live for.
That aunty was quite old, people might take pranks on it... but this approach is worth appreciating.
Each place has it's own versatility and can only experienced through the personal visit to such places and by meeting people there. Many times we come across to such situations after which we say.. Life main Kabhi Kabhi Iski Bhi Jarurat Padti hai...

Person who leaves in this world he had to go through many different situations. These situations may include number of experiences.... "Make everyone happy, but start from yourself" this I once heard from my old friend. That will be possible in only case.. that too when we will start being ourself...

Life me kabhi kabhi ajeeb situations will happen but those are not lasting... but only thing will.. the place.. so why not to start creating Life me Kabhi Kabhi Moment with a venue of the same..  so that I or we may can share that with gens to come ;-)

It Happens.....

Yesterday visited Dp... it is an area in Nagpur. It reminds me about an incidence. .. in one chilling summer evening (2013) I was with my family and friends at DharamPeth. On an honest note, Dharampeth is actually an addiction for the people who stay at this area and an attraction for those who don't. In short it is one of the happening hangout places in Nagpur.
Now when happening word is there it includes all the things.... those which happens due to human or .... whatever... :-)
At this awesome happening place I was actually with my brother and cousins.  Here at this area one "Golawala" is very popular. Ice lollypop may be we call it.. I came to know this just because of one Gola Lover like me. Don't know whether it is correct or not... who cares??? I was enjoying the taste what ever the name may be... anyhow it was said what's there in a name.. :-) (may be to avoid such confusions)

As it was mentioned earlier that the place is happening one, we were also becoming a part of it. We were busy in chatting and my handsome cousins were busy in eye exercising. ;-)
Suddenly after some time a beautiful girl came with her bike. It seems bit awkward, cause being a girl I should not appriciate any girl by girl's law ;-)... but yes the girl was heavenly beautiful... fair... well toned skin.... straight hair... black and blue combination in an awesome shifon dress.. how can I miss to observe a dress... but really the girl was so beautiful that I can not miss to mention.
Think you are a handsome chunk and such a beautiful girl passes through. ... what will be your reaction... specially if she in trouble with her bike... oh poor girl :-( !!. Like a responsible citizen and with a huge heart of handsome guys, the chunks felt very bad for her.. and offered their hands of help to the beautiful girl.
Why would she refuse???!! If a boy is good looking and handsome...!! she was ok with the offer of help and shook her head in consent. Now the real exercise took place at the part of guys... They tilted the bike.. tried starting it with run up... had in depth discussion on plug an all..
That girl was keenly observing all these circus.... finally..like us May be she also got irritated... and with a great regret she broke her silence... " मले वाटते पेट्रोल संपलं असन"....!!

Finished@@@@ story over#@@
Attraction lost... &&&
Guys were in shock like anything.... we three seating on stairs and observing all this.. were bursted in laugh... it was uncontrollable...

Somehow guys recovered from shock.... but they were speechless... they said only one thing...  actually adviced.. Dekho Madam Samne Petrol Pump Hai.... Aap Jao.. Waha mil Jayenga aap ko Petrol... please....

It was a funny incidence for lifetime... whenever we think of it we at least smile on it...
But lot many things can be observed and learnt from it...
Lot many things can be discussed...

With a smile on your face... you also think about what I am trying to put in front and intiating a disscussion @... let me know... we will discuss it...

Is there any Rope ???

We think that we think and when we think we come to know that even after thinking a lot we are actually not thinking anything fruitful, and hurts.

Yups @@@ !!!! it’s true that hurts… You know what actually hurts??!! Only one thing that after hell lot of thinking process we are not ending up with any result.

Then what will give us the result??!!

The only thing might help, sorry to mention but I think that if we start thinking in right way, we will for sure get the results.

I love to read the stories and every new day such stories helps in one way or other. If not help then at least lefts thought provoking process behind. Whomsoever these stories may belong to but has message in them and one must read at least a story in a week.

Anyways let me share one thing, we actually supposed to discuss the matter og thinking. You know why we need to stress on thinking?? Cause each and every process of our life starts with thinking only. It is said that what we think we act on it and behavior changes accordingly, and a day come it becomes our habit and part of our personality.

Let me share a story which I came across last month. The story goes like this…

As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

If we just give one chance to our thought that Yes I can do it !!! and I want to do it they ways comes out.

If we think from different direction to this story we will be able to get various dimensions. Sometimes such ropes are because of love and affections. But such love and affections are different. Here we are focusing mainly on what we can do but we don’t know or don’t want to know that we can do it.

One can do anything if that person really, really … want to do it. Only one thing stops, and that one thing is, thinking that I cannot do it.. and once we say that I cannot do it or was failed before in it… then no one can encourage or boost you to do anything good.

When we talk about good, that good is doing good to our thoughts, our thinking first.

Once we are confirmed that again with the thinking that I want and I can do it, no one can stop you by getting whatever you want.

Just Hope for the best and always attempt good, you will see the difference in performance and life too. Then whatever it may be life, love, profession or whatever, just your thinking is important and that too in right direction.

Just Take a Jump....

http://www.thehitavada.com/news-details/just-take-the-jump

We human beings are very adjusting creatures. In psychology Adjustment is the behavioral process by which humans and other animals maintain equilibrium among their various needs or between their needs and the obstacles of their environments. A sequence of adjustment begins when a need is felt and ends when it is satisfied. How exciting!! Theories of economics are supposed to be applied on these psychological concepts I guess. Why only economics?! Every new day, one can come to understand new theories of life which directly or indirectly are connected to psychology.

Similarly few days before, I came to know about a meaning of Agoraphobia. I was with my friend who is psychologist; he came for some chronic case discussion in some conference. Over a cup of coffee we started discussing about various topics which we usually do. But on that day I was quite and was not in a mood to chat as I normally am in. after a sip of a coffee I felt bit fresh and told him that I am not paying much attention in meeting or getting in touch people after an experience I had in last days. The moment I preside over expressing my thoughts and feelings regarding all these, he immediately said, in our language we call it Agoraphobia.

I was quite tensed when I heard this word; I thought maybe he is talking about some mental illness as he normally does. My goodness; is it me? He was taking it on a very normal and comic way but I was just scared. I was shocked for sure but I wanted to know about it. Then I came to know that fear of going out to public places is nothing but Agoraphobia. After having long discussion on that confusing English word, I finally came on my own conclusions.

It is a normal phenomenon for human being, that he has fears regarding something. May be not in case of everyone, but it happens for sure.

As mentioned earlier about the adjusting human behavior this process of adjustment involves various parts. Now which kind of adjustments we are talking about?

People strive to be comfortable in their surroundings and to have their psychological needs (such as love or affirmation) met through the social networks they inhabit. When needs arise, especially in new or changed surroundings, they impel interpersonal activity meant to satisfy those needs. In this way, people increase their familiarity and comfort with their environments, and they come to expect that their needs will be met in the future through their social networks. We expect much from our surroundings; actually for that comfortable expectations and surroundings we don’t want to or dare to come out of our cocoons. It goes on and on, and the day comes when we realize that something is wrong, people are changed and we find it difficult to cope up with. This process goes on because we are in cocoon and these ongoing difficulties in social and cultural adjustment may be accompanied by anxiety or depression. When feelings are of excessive apprehension or say anxiety, a person somehow stops thinking, stops believing on what he should actually do. Due to all this Agoraphobia takes place I guess.

After my meeting with my friend and Agoraphobia Discussion, I received a Message on my Whatsapp. It was a small story with a moral, narrating some common things in frog and human being. It said, Human Beings and frogs are the two creatures in nature that have tremendous power to adjust. Put a frog in a vessel of water and start heating the water. As the temperature of the water rises, the frog is able to adjust its body temperature accordingly. The frog keeps on adjusting with increase in temperature. Just when the water is about to reach boiling point, the frog is not able to adjust anymore. At that point the frog decides to jump out. The frog tries to jump but is unable to do so, because it lost all its strength in adjusting with the water temperature. Very soon the frog dies. 

Why he was adjusting so much? What happened with that frog? Why didn’t he come out then? What killed the frog? Many of us would say the boiling water. But the truth is what killed the frog was its his own inability to decide when it had to jump out. Correct!! Very True!!.....

We all need to adjust with people and situations, but we need to be sure when we need to adjust and when we need to face. There are times when we need to face the situation and take the appropriate action. If we don’t do so, for sure we have to face the situation of Agoraphobia. Very simple and easy thing to understand is, if we allow people to exploit us physically, emotionally or financially, they will continue to do so. There are many things which we can discuss on this ground, many examples can take place. We have to decide when to jump. Let us jump while we still have the strength and face the world with full confidence and no such word called Agoraphobia will take place.

Conflict... Lets enjoy a sour cake

“Conflict...lets enjoy a sour cake”

“A good manager doesn’t try to eliminate conflict; he tries to keep it from wasting the energies of his people. If you’re the boss and your people fight you openly when they think that you are wrong - that’s healthy.”

Robert Townsend said nicely. Even if we deal with the people professionally then also apart from professionalism there are N number of things we pass through. The art of adding people in your life is the greatest art that one should learn. This seems bit tedious job when you come across with these kinds of situations where you have to manage the relationship with the work you deal with. The basic problem with this management is we actually work in the environment where we deal with different natures and behaviors. These factors sometimes leads to dissatisfaction and results in conflicts.

Conflict is a reality of working with others. Given the range of activities, stressors and personality types that must come together, it is no surprise that conflict exists. However, the degree of conflict is surprising. Almost everyone has to deal with conflict at some time or another. In fact, less than one out of one hundred respondents say they never have had to handle conflict, while few say they deal with conflict frequently or always. When conflicts are not addressed effectively, individuals suffer. This in turn hurts job performance. Human resource personnel have seen someone leave an organization as a result of conflict, and almost half have seen someone fired because of it. While all of these departures are not unwanted, the disruption generated by conflict can lead to long-term problems.

When people see conflict as purely negative, the desire is to avoid it and resolve it as quickly as possible. However, when the conflict is a result of differing ideas, it might not be in the work group’s best interest to immediately remove the tension. Sometimes, taking time to work through the differences can lead to better solutions and improved outcomes. This requires that people do not see conflict as something to be avoided at all costs, but something that can bring creative energy. The challenge is finding ways to best handle conflict. The disagreements between people at work can lead to better solutions, new ideas, and increased performance. Like King Solomon wrote: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” By maximizing the positive outcomes of conflict, managers can bring direct financial benefits to the organization. Seems weird isn’t it? But in rare cases it does work.

William James says, “Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”

As we progress through life it is usually necessary for us to change some of our attitudes in order to changing circumstances. Sometimes we have no choice; the process of abreaction inflicts change automatically. At other times we can choose; for example, for career reasons. At the times when things continuously go out of the degree of job satisfactions this leads to conflicts. The fact is Conflict always has, and always will be a reality of the workplace. Whenever people work together the difference of opinions and ideas will result in conflict. Seeking to eliminate conflict is therefore impossible.

Organizations’ goal should be to manage conflict, not eliminate it. Individuals who are accommodating in times of conflict find out what the other person wants and do whatever they can to make it happen. This behavior is characterized by a high level of cooperativeness and a low level of assertiveness. This method is useful for showing reasonableness, developing performance, creating good will, and dealing with issues of low importance. The drawback is that the accommodating individual’s needs are never met. 

Many people try to avoid conflict and hope it goes away. When used in this way, avoiding conflict will rarely lead to a satisfying conclusion. However, avoiding conflict can be useful when dealing with issues of little importance, when tensions need to be reduced, or when it is necessary to buy time. Compromising is often identified by people as the best way to deal with conflict. With the goal of finding a middle ground, it involves negotiation and splitting the difference in opinion. Everyone leaves the conflict with a few of their concerns met. Probably the most overused way of dealing with conflict, compromising is useful when dealing with issues of moderate importance, developing temporary solutions, or when you are under time constraints.

However, by focusing on compromise, the conflicting parties leave with an equitable, but not satisfactory, resolution. Over time both parties often end up unhappy. The loss of staff, decreased morale, and absenteeism come with real costs to an organization. This makes reducing the negative effect of workplace conflict desirable. Effectively dealing with conflict is a key skill for leaders. Given the significance of the negative and positive effects of conflict, leaders must develop the skills to manage potentially difficult conversations in a constructive way and should not get involved in or increase the same. These type of current leaders in organizations are not as effective as they could be. Those who see conflict as a competition fight hard to get what they want. The opposite of accommodating, competing individuals are highly assertive and uncooperative. This approach works best for taking quick action, making unpopular decisions, and discussing issues of critical importance when you know for certain that your position is correct. Over use of competition can damage long-term relationships.

For leaders and employees there are benefits that can be realized from conflicts that are dealt with effectively. What important is finding ways to deal with conflict that lead to positive outcomes while minimizing the negative effects on people. Since we have seen that workplace conflict varies tremendously, it only makes sense that how we deal with conflict should change depending on the situation. The best type of conflict management is that which is most productive for a given situation. The problem is that most people approach all conflicts the same way. Sometimes their fall-back approach works, but most often it does not. Finally one can follow Dave Barry, who says,

“I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”

Cake of Conflict is the choice of likes and dislikes of target, please be neutral and check your content of argument before picking it up from the menu…………..