Seeing Through the Shadows: Unmasking the Subtle Power of Gaslighting

Recently, I had the opportunity to listen to the audiobook of "Gaslight" by Patrick Hamilton while following along on Kindle. This suggestion came from Kartik, after a heated argument where I accused him of gaslighting me. I had shared a Facebook post with him about the signs of gaslighting, which led him to recommend this book, saying it would give me a deeper understanding of what gaslighting truly means. At first, I didn’t know much about the term, but after diving into the story, I realized how pervasive and damaging this form of manipulation can be.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one person makes another person doubt their own perception of reality. It involves lying, denying, contradicting, and manipulating to such an extent that the victim starts questioning their own memory, sanity, and understanding of events. The name “gaslighting” comes from this very story by Hamilton, where the protagonist, Bella, is systematically made to believe she is going insane by her husband, Mr. Manningham.

In the book, Mr. Manningham uses subtle tactics to undermine Bella’s sense of reality. He constantly dims the gaslights in their home and then denies doing so, making Bella doubt her senses. This is a classic example of gaslighting—making someone doubt what they clearly see and hear. Mr. Manningham also lies blatantly, denying conversations and events that Bella knows happened. This form of psychological abuse is designed to make her feel confused and dependent on him for clarity, which erodes her self-esteem and self-trust over time.

One of the most chilling aspects of the book is how Mr. Manningham’s actions contradict his words. He often claims to care for Bella, but his actions are controlling and manipulative. He isolates her from others and manipulates the people around them, like the servants, to view Bella as unstable. This creates an environment where Bella feels entirely alone, reinforcing the gaslighter’s narrative over her own understanding of reality.

While reading the book, I realized that in today's world, gaslighting can be even more insidious. Unlike Bella, who was physically isolated, people today often appear to be surrounded by social connections, both online and offline. They seem involved in many activities and relationships, which gives an illusion of being in a supportive environment. However, a skilled gaslighter can still manipulate within this setting. They can play their game subtly, sowing seeds of doubt and confusion while maintaining a façade of concern and support. The victim might feel surrounded by people but still experience a deep sense of loneliness and confusion because the gaslighter makes them question their own reality, often in front of others, making it seem like they're the problem.

This cycle was evident throughout "Gaslight." Mr. Manningham’s manipulation was methodical, making Bella feel like she was descending step-by-step into darkness, losing her grip on reality. It was heartbreaking to see Bella’s self-esteem crumble as she began to believe that maybe she really was losing her mind. Every time she tried to defend her reality, Mr. Manningham would twist her words or deny the truth, making her seem even more unstable.

What struck me most about this book is how well it illustrates the subtle but powerful ways gaslighting can take hold. It’s not always about outright aggression or violence; sometimes, the most dangerous forms of control are those that make you question your own thoughts and feelings. Hamilton’s story serves as a chilling reminder of how manipulation can be so deeply ingrained in relationships and how important it is to trust our instincts and perceptions.

Reading "Gaslight" was a powerful experience for me. It opened my eyes to the insidious nature of gaslighting and made me more aware of the importance of trusting myself. If someone ever makes you feel like you’re constantly defending your reality or questioning your sanity, it’s crucial to recognize these signs and seek support.

Kartik's recommendation turned out to be more than just a reading suggestion; it was a lesson in understanding the depths of psychological manipulation. "Gaslight" is more than a suspenseful narrative; it’s a story about the dark side of human behavior and the importance of maintaining one's sense of reality in the face of manipulation. For anyone who wants to understand the complexities of psychological abuse, this book is a must-read. It’s a stark reminder to trust ourselves and to be vigilant about the subtle ways in which our perceptions can be shaped by others. In today's connected yet often isolating world, it’s more important than ever to stand firm in our own truth and be cautious of those who try to undermine it, even under the guise of being close to us.

Celebrating Our Success: TEDxCivilLines Women Talks Go Global!

When I first began planning TEDxCivilLines Women in the first edition itself 2 years before, I knew it would be a challenge to find speakers who truly embodied the spirit of the event—those with compelling stories of self-discovery, resilience, and empowerment.

This year I was quit sure what I need to do and how we can get the nest voices of the city on board. I remember countless discussions with Manjusha Joshi, our Curator, about finding the right voices. We sifted through many suggestions and received numerous messages from people eager to share their stories. It wasn't easy to say no, but we were committed to finding genuine stories that could resonate with a broader audience. Many thanks to #TED team for giving this opportunity to me and considering me worth to get the license.

In the end, we found exactly what we were looking for—seven incredible women from Nagpur who have made significant contributions in diverse fields such as industry, social work, law, healthcare, dance, and research. These women were more than just accomplished professionals; they were living examples of what it means to be empowered, courageous, and true to oneself.

Our event, “Being Me,” held at the Raisoni College auditorium in collaboration with Raisoni Foundation, featured an inspiring lineup. 

We had Snehal Kashyap

(https://youtu.be/WAW709unxLk?si=hCJ0P3djvs0Z-V9U),

a passionate social activist who founded the “Ae Zindagi Foundation” to support differently-abled children and their parents—a journey inspired by her experience as a mother of a child with cerebral palsy. 

Neerja Pathania (https://youtu.be/zudrXk8kwQ8?si=rLtyE1XuT3sieAZZ) , an entrepreneur, shared her story of leveraging her networking skills during the COVID-19 pandemic to help those in need, reminding us of the power of community and connection.

Advocate Smita Singalkar (https://youtu.be/bymx-dgdGWM?si=rCmF2UrrVyNm5DCo) took the stage to discuss critical issues about women’s rights and laws, 

while Priyanka Abhyankar (https://youtu.be/EukUsQ92O8Q?si=2yThSWaQzGQOupcR), a Kathak dancer, mesmerized us with her journey from passion to inner bliss through dance. 

Priti Ramakrishnan (https://youtu.be/4naAZqug-jA?si=wgECPO33yM3sK4MP), Co-founder of ImmverseAI, gave a thought-provoking presentation on how AI technology can be used to promote ancient Indian Vedic knowledge, blending tradition with modern innovation. 

Dr. Neelam Chhajed (https://youtu.be/K3azJ51HHBA?si=7FZjG1zHzfAavfgf) provided deep insights into the role of genetics in modern obstetrics, and 

Palak Sethiya (https://youtu.be/od5QpZgUUHs?si=T8NKZo-Ybvmnd3Ql), Director of Gold Circle Ventures, shared personal reflections on how small actions can shape our future.

Every single one of these talks was powerful, moving, and thought-provoking. And today, I am overjoyed to share that all of these talks have been approved and are now available on the #TED global platform! This incredible achievement is something that fills me with immense happiness and pride.

I won’t lie; the journey to this point wasn’t smooth. Manjusha and I had our fair share of calls, heated discussions, and debates about which stories would truly resonate with our audience and make an impact. We often had differing opinions, but what kept us going was our shared commitment to showcase the stories that deserved to be heard. It was all about finding those authentic voices who could inspire others through their journeys of self-discovery and empowerment. There were moments when tensions ran high, and yes, I did scold quite a few people along the way—including some of our speakers and team members. But every word spoken came from a place of passion and a desire to push everyone to deliver their best.

I’m incredibly grateful to everyone who made this possible. From our fantastic PR team to the volunteers who worked tirelessly behind the scenes, and to our inspiring speakers—thank you for bringing your passion, energy, and authenticity to the stage. A special shoutout to our wonderful partner, Dr. Amina Vali, Great Supporter Mr. Sunil Raisoni and our dynamic anchor, Dr. Sakina Raghib, who kept the audience engaged throughout the event. Cannot miss thanking Lakhvinder and Snehal because of whom I can focus on other assignments too.

Reflecting on this journey, I am reminded of how powerful teamwork and collaboration can be. There were moments when we faced challenges and had tough conversations, but every single person involved brought their best to the table, and that made all the difference. The success we achieved is truly a collective one, and it’s a shining example of what we can accomplish when we come together with a shared vision.

Looking ahead, I’m excited for what’s next. I know that with this incredible team and the continued support of our community, we will continue to bring inspiring stories to the global stage. Here’s to more successful events, more powerful stories, and more moments that make us all proud!

  

Running Your Own Race

 

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how we often get caught up in comparing ourselves to others—whether it’s at work, among friends, or even within our own families. It’s easy to feel like we’re constantly in a race, trying to outdo someone else or prove that we’re better in some way. But recently, I came across a story on WhatsApp that really made me pause and reflect on this mindset.

The story, though simple, carried a powerful message that hit home for me. It made me realize how easily we can lose sight of our own journey when we’re too focused on competing with others. Let me share it with you—it might just change the way you think about your own life.

A person was out cycling and noticed someone else on a bike, about a quarter kilometer ahead of them. Seeing that the other cyclist was moving a bit slower, they decided to pick up the pace and try to catch up. With only a kilometer left before they needed to take a turn, they started pedaling faster and faster, focused on closing the gap.

As they pushed harder, they could feel themselves getting closer to the other cyclist. Before long, they were just 100 yards behind. Determined to overtake them, they pushed even harder, imagining they were in a race.

Finally, they did it—they passed the other cyclist. Inside, they felt a surge of satisfaction, thinking, "I beat them!" But then, reality hit. They realized that in their rush to pass the other cyclist, they had completely missed their turn. They had gone six blocks too far and now had to backtrack to get back on their route.

Reading this story, I couldn’t help but see how it mirrors what happens in life. How often do we get caught up in competing with others? We see what someone else is doing—maybe they have a better job, a nicer house, or more success—and we start racing to catch up or even overtake them. We focus so much on others that we lose sight of our own path.

This story made me reflect on my own life. How many times have I done the same thing—competing with colleagues, comparing myself to friends, or trying to prove something to others? But what’s the point? There will always be someone ahead, someone who seems to have it better.

The real lesson is that life isn’t a race against others. It’s about staying focused on our own journey. We each have our own unique path, and it’s important to appreciate where we are and what we have. It’s about growing and improving at our own pace, not trying to outdo everyone else.

This simple story reminded me that there’s no need to compete with others. My life is my own race, and the only person I need to compete with is myself. It’s about being better today than I was yesterday and being content with who I am and where I’m headed.

Although I might not change or keep thinking as I usually do, but the story made me realize that what really matters isn’t beating others or proving something to the world. It’s about staying true to myself, focusing on my own goals, and wishing others well on their journey. In the end, that’s what brings true happiness and peace than making pieces of your own mind.